Guest Blog: by Amy at Twelve Moons Birth
You are 30+ weeks pregnant and your friend/sister/whoever organises you a baby shower…pretty standard right? You are expected to shlep your large and in-charge self out to a party, stand up for hours and play weird games (all while probably sober)
Look, if this is your thing and you would truly get joy out of it, great! You do you babes. BUT there is another way. I am going to breakdown some of the classic mistakes people make with traditional baby showers, and offer up some lovely (and frankly more useful) alternatives.
So here goes…
MISTAKE NUMBER 1 – Having a baby shower.
This event has so much potential to send you off into your birth journey and fourth trimester feeling positive, nurtured, loved and supported…but I feel like we have really missed the point by centring it round the baby…who hasn’t even been born yet….who has no bloody idea what is going on. Instead, why not throw yourself a YOU centred event. There is even a name for such a thing.. some people call them Mother Blessings, Blessingways, Belly Blessings or Nesting Parties, whatever floats your boat. This is a fantastic alternative to a baby shower, which will be much more fulfilling and less tiring for the expectant parent(s).
The idea of a Blessingway is that you are treated like a Goddess for a few hours by your nearest and dearest (probably no smell the nappy games) and you do lovely, relaxing things and eat some great food. For example you could have someone come and give you all shoulder massages, have all your friends bring a bead to make a bracelet that you can wear while giving birth, you could spend time together making affirmations for your birth space… all things building positive expectancy for your birth and journey into new parenthood. Anything you like that makes you feel supported and happy.
As I hypnobirthing teacher I know all too well about the power of a positive mindset, and these things really do make a huge difference. It doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive, you could even have your friends over for a cooking party where they all cook a load of stuff together to stick in your freezer for once the baby arrives. Your postpartum self will thank you later.
MISTAKE NUMBER 2 - Asking for presents for the baby.
You might not even ask specifically for anything, but unless told otherwise, your loved ones WILL bring you a load of crap for your baby that you don’t need or want. These funds are better used elsewhere.
Babies really need very little, a boob/bottle, somewhere to sleep and snuggle…they most certainly don’t need cuddly toys/a cake made of nappies/a fancy nappy dispenser. What they DO need however is nourished and well rested parents. So! Let’s look at how we can improve that with the use of our Blessingway. Here is a list of things you could ask for instead of baby crap:
· Postnatal doula vouchers - worth their weight in gold!
· Promises of home-cooked food once baby arrives
· Postnatal massage vouchers. Relaxation please!
· A meal train. Your pals work out between them who is going to bring what meal and when. There are even websites you can use to set this up, such as Meal Train.
You get the gist. A lot of them are food related and for good reason. That is what you really need when you are in the postnatal trenches….Your fancy nappy bin is just not going to cut it.
MISTAKE NUMBER 3 - Putting aside what YOU actually want.
Baby showers are very much about: a) the unborn baby and b) the friends and family. Although your loved ones are probably well-meaning, they may not understand how knackered you are or how much support you need…so the best thing to do is tell them! If the last thing you want to do is get all dressed up and go for a fancy afternoon tea, then get a big takeaway curry and ask all your friends to come in their pyjamas. Do it YOUR way. Don’t be hemmed in by tradition, or what you feel you SHOULD do.
Getting into the swing of asking for what you actually need and being direct with your loved ones will also come in super handy once the baby arrives. Prioritise yourself, your wellbeing (both physical and emotional) and soak up all that oxytocin and love, to carry forward into your birth and fourth trimester.
written by Amy at Twelve Moons Birth
I am Amy, Twelve Moons founder, birth nerd and often tired Mum of one.
I offer friendly, relaxed and non-judgemental Hypnobirthing, Pregnancy Yoga and Baby & Postnatal Yoga in the Nottingham and Derby areas. I am passionate about evidence based, supportive and honest birth preparation and always treat my clients like the baddass adults they are...(you'll never catch me calling anyone 'Mama'...)
As a hypnobirthing instructor birth plans are usually covered extensively, but I also like to dive into postnatal planning and preparing for the fourth trimester, and I believe reclaiming the baby shower is a great start! I am tired of all the emphasis being placed on the baby, and instead aim to give my clients the confidence to speak up, ask for what they need, to be specific and to prioritise their own needs in all pregnancy/birth and postnatal decisions. Come and find me at www.twelvemoonsbirth.co.uk or @twelvemoonsbirth on Instagram, for tonnes more birthy content and interesting, honest discussion about pregnancy, birth and the fourth trimester.